Telling My Wife What Apple Announced

by Colin Berkshire

My wife called me, all excited. “So what did Apple announce?”

I answered: “Not much. An improved iPhone camera and a bigger iPad and a new Apple TV gaming device.”

It was then that I realized my disappointment. This was billed as the biggest announcement in history. There were to have been some “monster” announcements. it was in a venue that held 7,000 people. Yes, I was excited. I expected something great.

I didn’t really know what to expect. But I was primed for something startling. Perhaps Apple had a deal with the cellular companies where you could roam between all of their towers. Or, perhaps a new, thinner iPhone without having to wait until next year. Perhaps an iPad that would plug into an OS X keyboard and be convertible. Something big. So,meting game changing.

Feeling like I hadn’t told her the whole story I added…

“Oh, they now have phones in rose gold. And, you can finance them. And, they have a new iPad that is 60% more expensive and 2” larger.”

She responded: “Are you going to get it?” My reply was no, it was the heaviest iPad Apple had ever made. Carrying it around would be a pain.

Feeling my pain she added, “So, aren’t you going to get anything new from Apple this year?”

I thought and then answered “Perhaps a new Apple TV”. Then, I realized, Apple would be getting $149 from me this year. In every past year I can remember I spent thousands on Apple products in the fall.

She swiftly picked up and said “So we can ditch the Dish satellite?”

Um, no. The new Apple TV is about games. They don’t have any networks. It can’t do DVR. You can’t skip any commercials.

I’m feeling sad. I have some money set aside to buy Apple stuff with. And, there is nothing for me.

Tim Cook is boring.