Happy Flag Day

by Colin Berkshire

Colin here.

I hope that everybody will show proper respect to the United States flag. I thought it would be good to take a break and share how not to do it wrong.

First of all, remember to set fire to your flag and burn it thoroughly when you are finished. I don’t know why everybody gets into a tiff when protesters are burning American Flags. They are just doing what the law requires of them. (See 4USC Section 8(k).) You are supposed to set fire to the flag when your use of it is done. Burning the flag is the patriotic thing to do. Do it! (https://www.law.cornell.edu/uscode/text/4/8)

Next, the US flag should absolutely not be fashioned into clothing. This is just plain wrong and illegal. So don’t wear that shirt with the stars and stripes on it. This is prohibited by law and you don’t want to go to jail. 4USC8(d).

Throw away any cushions, handkerchiefs, or other articles embroidered with the US Flag. Oh, and US Flag napkins: utterly illegal. Such things are not only disrespectful, but they violate US Law (4USC8(i)).

I am very saddened when I see great disrespect for our flag. Consider the “Terrorism Memorial” in Oklahoma City:

The Union (blue field with stars) is displayed incorrectly. It is always to be in the top left corner. But even worse, this is a terrible violation of US Law (4USC(f)) because a flag should never be a covering for a ceiling. Come on folks, this is a Terrorism Memorial in the city made famous for believing that the United States was founded as a Christian country. How could they have done this?

So as you celebrate our country, fly your flag proudly, and then burn it!